March 2025 I started my current job late August 2018 and just weeks later on October 7th the unthinkable happened - our youngest son Ben suddenly died. He was twenty five, fit, healthy and very adventurous but went into cardiac arrest as he crossed the finish...
26th January 2025 “I know this: there is no sense to grief. There is no pattern or shape or texture, and there are no books or stories which can lessen the pain of losing a person you have loved, and will always love. There are no...
6 years without Ben October 2024 “grief is love. and it is also panic. screaming. guilt. isolation. empty spaces. unspoken names. unwanted goodbyes. photographs missing faces. homes missing laughter. waiting for a dream. getting a nightmare instead. stolen memories. endless tears. endless aching. made from love but becoming...
Extract from my journal: Ben’s birthday April 2024 1993 Trying to celebrate the birth date of a child who is no longer here is harder than hard. Instead of getting easier as the years go by I actually think it gets more complex and difficult to manage. Friends...
March 2024 You should still be here - it’s as simple as that! Children are not meant to die before their parents. Brothers and sisters are not meant to lose a sibling. Grandparents are not meant to have to support their child through the death of their child. But it...
‘And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.’1 Corinthians 13:13 Thank God for love - the precious gift not even death can take from us. The thing that remains long after our special person has left this world....
January 2024 Ben’s sudden death was our family’s epochal moment - and not in a good way. It changed the course of our lives. In the blink of an eye everything looked different, felt different and will always be different. However, something I never expected to...
7th October 2023 Five years ago today, Paul took this precious photo of Ben as he came towards us, smiling his beautiful smile; brushing our hands with his fingers. His last living touch. Five years ago today Ben asked me to message deep heat into his...
“I miss you, not just once in a while, but every minute of every day. I miss your smile, your beautiful soul. I miss you in the quiet moments, and in the crowded rooms filled with laughter. But most of all, I miss the joy...
The healing power of nature June 2023 It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog and have to admit to feeling a little apprehensive. Stepping out of life seems to have partially shut down my brain. Maybe it’s my heart trying to protect my head or...