the one moment…

Learning to live again following the death of my child

“Every day I replay you…. your every detail. I don’t want to lose a single memory. I’d rather the pain of remembering than to forget the feeling of happiness.“
– Renata Suzuki

Ben McDonald

1993 – 2018

… the one moment everything changed

On 7th October 2018 normal ended and we have had to watch life go on without our darling boy.

One moment life was normal, then it wasn’t.

One moment we had a complete family, then we didn’t.

‘I used to think things like this only happened to someone else…

Now I know – we’re all someone else to someone else!’

Everyone grieves differently, every family is unique and everyone has their own story. Your story will be different to mine but whatever your loss – your world will have changed. I know now there are some things you can’t understand unless you’ve lived them.

I’ve found unexpected comfort in being with other hurting people who know what my kind of grief is like. I write to try and make sense of what we all feel.

I’m trying to hold tight to any little nuggets of hope that give me just enough strength to keep putting one foot tentatively in front of the other.

Please use my Facebook page to keep in touch @theonemoment2020

With love

Ruth xx

  • October 2020 How many times have you thought ‘I can’t do this any more!!’ How often has the pain in your heart hurt so much that you don’t want to get out of bed and face another day – the sadness so overwhelming you feel......

  • September 2020 It’s almost two years since 7th October 2018 – the day that Ben suddenly left us – and I’m still trying to get used to heaving around this crippling and hideous burden of loss. I can honestly say it doesn’t get any easier!......

  • January 2020 – almost 16 months without Ben ‘Hold on to the love, not the loss’ – Eva Longoria I was trying to explain to a friend how Ben’s death is a bit like permanently living with the horrible gut feeling you get when you’ve......

  • I’ve been thinking a lot about the big defining moments that suddenly alter our course of life – some positive and some definitely not! Often these moments stop us in our tracks and are so significant that we remember every little detail – where we......

  • March 2019 – 20 weeks without Ben! “This is the big scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as ‘getting over it’. The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much......

  • Have you ever felt like a car that seems to be running on the bare minimum of fuel? That you’re functioning – but only just? That your wings can’t carry your weight (quote above). That you’re treading water and going through the motions of living......