the one moment…

Learning to live again following the death of my child

“Every day I replay you…. your every detail. I don’t want to lose a single memory. I’d rather the pain of remembering than to forget the feeling of happiness.“
– Renata Suzuki

Ben McDonald

1993 – 2018

… the one moment everything changed

On 7th October 2018 normal ended and we have had to watch life go on without our darling boy.

One moment everything was normal, then it wasn’t.

One moment we had a complete family, then we didn’t.

‘I used to think things like this only happened to someone else…

Now I know – we’re all someone else to someone else!’

Everyone grieves differently, every family is unique and everyone has their own story. But grief hurts and when you lose someone special it changes your world forever. Nothing will ever be the same again. And I now know there are some things you can’t possibly understand until you’ve lived them.

I’ve found unexpected comfort in being in the company of other broken people who share this same kind of grief. I write to try and make some sense of what we probably all feel.

Trying to hold onto to any little nuggets of hope seems to give me just enough strength to keep putting one foot tentatively in front of the other – taking one day at a time.

It would be an honour if you would join me on this heartbreak journey – one that we certainly didn’t choose, definitely don’t want and could never have anticipated!

Please feel free to use my Facebook page to keep in touch. I’d love to hear from you. @theonemoment2020

With love

Ruth xx

  • June 2021 “I’ve become intimately aware of the sacred dance between despair and gratefulness. I refuse to allow the tragedy of his death to negate the beauty of his life, the depth of his impact, and the sheer joy with which he lived his days.”......

  • May 2021 ‘The language of grief is spoken in silence, often through tears and insurmountable pain but it is also spoken in great love. For every tear wept and every ounce of pain felt, love is felt tenfold’. – Jessi Snapp Grief is not the......

  • April 2021 “Yellow is the perceived color of sunshine. It is associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy.” ⁃ Marcia Moses If your child has died I’m sure you will completely understand the significance of holding on to anything that reminds us of them –......

  • March 2021 “And I know you bore our sorrows And I know you feel our pain And I know it would not hurt any less Even if it could be explained”              – Rich Mullins It’s two and a half......

  • March 2021 2 years 5 months 126 weeks 882 days … without Ben ‘To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.’ ⁃ CS Lewis I was standing at the kitchen sink last night......

  • I search for threads of you Everywhere I go I find you in the small crevices of life and in the bottomless canyons I find you in the ordinary beige moments and in conspicuous beauty I long for morsels of your presence In everything I......