the one moment…

Learning to live again following the death of my child

“Every day I replay you…. your every detail. I don’t want to lose a single memory. I’d rather the pain of remembering than to forget the feeling of happiness.“
– Renata Suzuki

Ben McDonald

1993 – 2018

… the one moment everything changed

On 7th October 2018 Ben died. He was twenty five. It’s so hard watching life go on without our darling boy.

One moment everything was normal, then it wasn’t.

One moment we had a complete family, then we didn’t.

‘I used to think things like this only happened to someone else…

Now I know – we’re all someone else to someone else!’

Everyone grieves differently, every family is unique and everyone has their own story. But grief hurts for us all and when you lose someone special it changes your world. Forever. Nothing will be the same again. And I now know there are some things you can’t possibly understand until you’ve lived them. I simply had no idea it would be like this!

I’ve found unexpected comfort in connecting with other broken people who share this same kind of grief. I write to try and make some sense of what we probably all feel.

Trying to hold onto to any little nuggets of hope seems to give me just enough strength to keep putting one foot tentatively in front of the other – taking one day at a time.

It would be an honour if you would join me on this heartbreak journey – one that we certainly didn’t choose, definitely don’t want and could never have anticipated!

Please feel free to use my Facebook page to keep in touch. I’d love to hear from you. @theonemoment2020

With love

Ruth xx

  • September 2021 September 2018 – three years ago. I wrote this message on the blackboard at my friend’s Tanzanian apartment just a few weeks before Ben died. My husband Paul and I were having the most awesome three-week dream holiday in Africa. Life was happy......

  • August 2021 ‘Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory’ – Dr Seuss It’s strange the things that randomly pop into your head. Simple little events that didn’t seem particularly significant at the time suddenly become beautiful memories......

  • June 2021 “I’ve become intimately aware of the sacred dance between despair and gratefulness. I refuse to allow the tragedy of his death to negate the beauty of his life, the depth of his impact, and the sheer joy with which he lived his days.”......

  • May 2021 ‘The language of grief is spoken in silence, often through tears and insurmountable pain but it is also spoken in great love. For every tear wept and every ounce of pain felt, love is felt tenfold’. – Jessi Snapp Grief is not the......

  • April 2021 “Yellow is the perceived color of sunshine. It is associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy.” ⁃ Marcia Moses If your child has died I’m sure you will completely understand the significance of holding on to anything that reminds us of them –......

  • March 2021 “And I know you bore our sorrows And I know you feel our pain And I know it would not hurt any less Even if it could be explained”              – Rich Mullins It’s two and a half......