the one moment…

Learning to live again following the death of my child

“Every day I replay you…. your every detail. I don’t want to lose a single memory. I’d rather the pain of remembering than to forget the feeling of happiness.“
– Renata Suzuki

Ben McDonald

1993 – 2018

… the one moment everything changed

On 7th October 2018 normal ended and we have had to watch life go on without our darling boy.

One moment life was normal, then it wasn’t.

One moment we had a complete family, then we didn’t.

‘I used to think things like this only happened to someone else…

Now I know – we’re all someone else to someone else!’

Everyone grieves differently, every family is unique and everyone has their own story. Your story will be different to mine but whatever your loss – your world will have collapsed and changed forever. I now know there are some things you can’t possibly understand until you’ve lived them.

I’ve found unexpected comfort in being in the company of other hurting people who know something of what my kind of grief is like. I write to try and make some sense of what we all feel.

I’m trying to hold onto to any little nuggets of hope that give me just enough strength to keep putting one foot tentatively in front of the other – taking one day at a time.

It would be an honour if you would join me on this unbelievably heartbreaking journey of trying to live without our darling children.

Please feel free to use my Facebook page to keep in touch. I’d love to hear from you. We’re definitely stronger together! @theonemoment2020

With love

Ruth xx

  • June 2019 – 9 months without Ben “Those who go through the darknessNever come out the sameAnd it’s true what they sayThat it takes a part of you awayBut what many will never understandIs that it leaves something in returnA strength that will never breakAnd......

  • Christmas Eve 2020… How do you pull yourself together when you’re battered, bruised and broken? I’m sad and that’s understandable – my amazing gorgeous youngest child died two years ago. He was twenty five. I’m allowed to be sad but it’s the other emotions that......

  • ‘Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.’ ⁃ Desmond Tutu My third December without our darling Ben and this one will definitely go down on record as being the weirdest – not just for me but for......

  • October 2020 How many times have you thought ‘I can’t do this any more!!’ How often has the pain in your heart hurt so much that you don’t want to get out of bed and face another day – the sadness so overwhelming you feel......

  • September 2020 It’s almost two years since 7th October 2018 – the day that Ben suddenly left us – and I’m still trying to get used to heaving around this crippling and hideous burden of loss. I can honestly say it doesn’t get any easier!......

  • January 2020 – almost 16 months without Ben ‘Hold on to the love, not the loss’ – Eva Longoria I was trying to explain to a friend how Ben’s death is a bit like permanently living with the horrible gut feeling you get when you’ve......